Video Transcriptions
Titleist NXT: Aggravate
Titleist NXT: Aggravate: Attention golfers, Titleist claims that these are the most advanced NXT's yet, with better aerodynamics. Unless, see A.I.M. They say it's to help you line up putts and it stands for alignment integrated marking. But what it really means is aggravate Ian McAllister, unbelievable – mother, I'm warning them about Titleist. Oh, get a life.
Titleist NXT: Black
Titleist NXT: Black: Look at this, black, the color of mourning, and that's appropriate, because today is truly a tragic day. Titleist has introduced the new NXT with better aerodynamics and a mark, to help you line up putts. They claim that delivers longer distance with high-performance control, in other words it's destroying golf's soul. So, let's have a moment of silence. [Toilet flushing] Mother!
Titleist NXT: Congressmen
Titleist NXT: Congressmen: Attention American congressmen and congresswomen, I know that many of you love golf. Well, you will want to take action against these offensive products, the NXT Tour and NXT extreme. Titleist has admitted to enhancing the aerodynamics and get this, an alignment line, to help you putt. Foul, I call for a Congressional investigation, and I myself would be willing to testify. So, help me out, there's a free trip in it for you.
Titleist NXT: Evidence
Titleist NXT: Evidence: This is shameless, look what Titleist named their latest golf ball, NXT Extreme, look, right there, see it's on the box, extreme. They're admitting it. It goes far beyond what's acceptable, with its extreme distance and soft feel. A cheater line, to help you line up your putt. Titleist are fanatics, raving, unscrupulous, stop-at-nothing extremists and this is their signed confession.
Titleist NXT: Golf Nerds
Titleist NXT: Golf Nerds: Greetings golf nerds. While it may be Wade Copeland to embrace the latest technology, I beg you to draw the line at least at Titleist NXT Tour and NXT Extreme, the most advanced ones yet. Please, join me in condemning them. And now, for the love of St. Andrew, turn off your TV and go outside.
Titleist NXT: Mad
Titleist NXT: Mad: Greetings Golf Channel viewers. Titleist is at it again. Look, the new NXT Tour and NXT Advanced, both have improved aerodynamics and a little arrow to help you line up putts. They're treating you like children. So pry your butt off of that sofa, and go to the window and shout, I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!
Titleist NXT: Performance Enhancing
Titleist NXT: Performance Enhancing: Theres for place in golf for performance enhancing substances, but what about performance enhancing golf balls? The NXT Tour and NXT Extreme, I mean they're the most advanced ones yet, with illicit aerodynamics and an arrow to help line up putts, but whats the difference between these and steroids? I mean they both offer a natural performance gain to users. So, if you see someone hit a ball longer than it seems possible, you won't find the answer in his bodily fluids. Look for these!
Titleist NXT: PGA Tour Fans
Titleist NXT: PGA Tour Fans: Hello there PGA Tour fans, if you love golf so much, why don't you play it? But, if you do, don't use these: Titleist NXT and NXT Extreme. Get all the depressing details at my website, and then for love of St. Andrew, turn off your TV and go play!
Titleist NXT: Puppets
Titleist NXT: Puppets: Here they are, the NXT Tour and NXT Extreme. Titleist says they've got improved aerodynamics through a fancy alignment line. Well, let the ball speak for themselves. I'm NXT Tour, I'm nice and soft. I think golf should be really easy so you can get low scores without being any good at all. I'm NXT Extreme, because I'm extremely long, so if you hit me, everyone will think you're much better than you really are. Have I been doing this too long? Maybe.
Titleist NXT: Voicemail
Titleist NXT: Voicemail: Hi, this Bill Morgan at Titleist Research and Development, please leave a message. Good morning Mr. Morgan, I'm calling about your NXT Tour and NXT Extreme golf balls, do you children know you're using science to destroy the game? Better aerodynamics? Whats next, jet propulsion? These NXT's are as bad as taking a mulligan, so go ahead billy boy, and screen your calls. Oh, and have a dreadful day. Hello?
